Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
