Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
