All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
