I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
