we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
