I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
