don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
