just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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