Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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