Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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