just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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