Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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