I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
