Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I'm at about main and main street
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
