This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
