I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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