The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
