Your face is a jimmy john
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
