Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
