also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
