I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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