This dress was meant to end up on your floor
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
