If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
