u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
