I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Randomize
