is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
