my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
