Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Randomize
