I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Someone came in the potted fern
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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