And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
