OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
