I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
it hurts more in the daytime
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
