I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
