4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
