Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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