I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
There's always time for handjobs
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
