then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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