My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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