Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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