waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
