Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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