dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
