i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
