The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
