Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
