Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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