He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
