i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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