it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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