Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
